Encouraging Flexible Thinking in Your Child (and Yourself!)

Have you ever watched your child play and noticed they have one particular way they like to do things — and they get really upset when you suggest something different? Maybe they always line up their blocks a certain way, insist on reading the same book the same way, or become distressed if the order of their routine changes.

It’s natural for young children to show signs of rigid thinking, especially when they’re under stress or simply navigating their world. But here’s the good news — you can help your child develop flexibility of thinking, a valuable skill that will benefit them in problem-solving, friendships, learning, and overall life experiences.

And the bonus? You’ll probably find yourself practicing it, too.

What Is Flexible Thinking?

Flexible thinking is the ability to see things from different perspectives, adjust to changes, or find new solutions when faced with a challenge. It’s the opposite of rigid thinking, which tends to lock a person into one way of doing or seeing things.

For example:

• Rigid thinking: “Blocks are only for lining up. Any other use is wrong.”

• Flexible thinking: “Blocks can be lined up, stacked, color-sorted, or turned into buildings or roads!”

Why does this matter? Because learning to think flexibly helps children (and adults) navigate the unexpected, solve problems creatively, and adjust to life's inevitable changes.

Why Stress Can Make Us Rigid

Here’s something fascinating: stress tends to narrow our thinking. When our nervous system is under stress, we instinctively look for certainty, control, and predictability. That’s why kids (and adults) may show more rigid thinking when they’re tired, overwhelmed, or in unfamiliar situations.

Your child might:

• Insist on the same bedtime routine exactly as it has always been.

• Refuse to change how they play with a favorite toy.

• Get frustrated if a sibling or friend introduces a new way to play.

And here’s the truth — we do it too. Under stress, our own ability to think flexibly can shrink. We might default to rigid patterns of thinking like “This is the only way to do it” or “I just need things to stay the same”. This is our brain's way of protecting us during difficult moments.

But the beautiful thing about the brain is that it can learn. And with practice, both you and your child can grow in flexible thinking.

How to Gently Encourage Flexible Thinking

The key word here is gently. If your child is a rigid thinker, pushing too hard will only increase their resistance. Instead, think of yourself as their guide — showing them new ways of doing things while honoring their need for predictability.

Here are some practical strategies:

1. Model Flexible Play If your child insists on lining up blocks a certain way, don’t force them to change. Instead, grab your own set of blocks and demonstrate a different way to play. Maybe you build a tower or sort by color. Keep it light, casual, and playful — not corrective.

   Eventually, they might get curious and join in. If not, that’s okay too. The exposure is still valuable.

2. Narrate Your Own Flexible Thinking In everyday moments, talk out loud when you change your mind or find a different solution. For example:

   • “I was planning to cook pasta, but I realized we’re out. Hmm... what else could we make?”

   • “I thought we’d go to the park, but it’s raining. Let’s think of another fun thing to do!”

   Hearing you think out loud about different solutions helps your child develop mental flexibility.

3. Celebrate Small Wins When your child does show flexibility — even in small ways — celebrate it! For example:

   • “Wow! You built a tower instead of lining the blocks up. That’s awesome flexible thinking!”

   • “You tried a new food today — that’s brave and flexible!”

   Naming the behavior helps your child identify it and feel proud of their progress.

4. Offer Choices, Not Demands If your child gets stuck on doing something one way, offer gentle choices to expand their perspective. For example:

   • “You can line up the blocks, or you can build a garage for your cars. Which one do you want to do?”

   • “Would you like me to tell a new story or the same one as yesterday?”

   Offering choices creates a gentle bridge toward flexible thinking without overwhelming them.

5. Validate Their Feelings When your child gets upset about change, resist the urge to say “It’s not a big deal”. Instead, acknowledge their feelings while gently encouraging flexibility.

   • “I see you really wanted to do it your way. That’s okay. I wonder if we can try something different together?”

   • “It’s hard when things don’t go how we expect. Let’s take a deep breath and think of a new plan.”

   Over time, this helps them develop resilience in the face of change.

Flexibility Grows With Time

Remember, building flexible thinking is a gradual process — for both your child and you. Some days will feel easy, and some will feel like you're swimming against the tide. That’s okay.

Your role isn’t to force flexibility — it’s to gently expose your child to different ways of doing, thinking, and problem-solving. Each time you model flexibility (even when it’s hard for you), you’re planting seeds for your child’s future.

We’d Love to Hear From You

Have you ever noticed rigid thinking in your child — or even in yourself — during stressful moments? What strategies have helped you (or them) shift into more flexible thinking?

Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below — we’d love to hear what’s working for you and your family!

Team NewDay Child Coaching

Rachel Lynn: Communication and Swallowing/Feeding Guide

Amber Michelle: Physical Development Guide

Amanda Rae: Fine Motor, Sensorimotor, Sensory/Feeding Guide

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