Flip the Script on Speech Delay: What If Your Child Is Already Doing Their Best?
- NewDayChildCoaching
- 8 hours ago
- 7 min read
You've been told to narrate your day. Label everything. Hold up the cup and say "cup" ten times before you hand it over. Withhold the snack until they attempt the word. Reward every syllable with big reactions and treats.
You've done all of it.
And it's still not working.
So can I offer you a different thought? One that might feel a little radical? It's time to flip the script on speech delay.
What if your child is already doing their best — and the pressure is the problem?
The Pressure Trap: Why "Say Ball" Isn't Working
Here's what no one tells you when your toddler isn't hitting speech milestones: most of the well-meaning advice floating around the internet — "make them ask for it," "don't give it to them until they say the word," "reward talking with treats or toys" — can actually backfire.
Research supports this. A 2019 study published in the Journal of Communication Disorders found that when parents of late talkers reduced communicative pressure — specifically, the number of testing questions and demands for verbal responses — their children showed greater improvement in expressive vocabulary than a control group (Kruythoff-Broekman et al., 2019).
Let me say that again: children learned more words when parents stopped pressuring them to talk.
This isn't because those parents stopped caring. It's because they shifted from testing to connecting. From demanding performance to creating safety.
The Research on Communicative Pressure
When we bombard a child with questions — "What's this? Can you say it? Say 'more.' Say 'please'" — we're essentially putting them on the spot over and over again. For a child who is already struggling to produce words, this doesn't feel encouraging. It feels overwhelming.
And when a child feels overwhelmed, they don't lean into communication. They pull back from it.
According to the American Speech-Language-Hearing Association (ASHA), late language emergence affects a significant number of toddlers, and the recommended approach prioritizes responsive interaction — following a child's lead, commenting instead of questioning, and creating low-pressure opportunities for communication to emerge naturally.
Flip the Script on Speech Delay: What If We Tried Something Different?
Here's my invitation to you, parent to parent and SLP to human: flip the script.
Instead of focusing on what your child isn't doing, what if you leaned into what they are doing?
Your child who isn't talking yet? They might be pointing. Pulling your hand. Making eye contact. Laughing at peek-a-boo. Bringing you their favorite book for the tenth time today.
That is communication. Every single bit of it.
What "Doing Their Best" Actually Looks Like
"Doing their best" doesn't mean your child is hitting every milestone on a chart. It means they are showing up to their world — your world — the only way they know how right now.
Maybe they gesture instead of using words. Maybe they cry when they can't tell you what they need. Maybe they grab your face and turn it toward what they want you to see.
That's not failure. That's a child working really, really hard to be understood. And they deserve a parent who sees that effort — not one who's been coached into turning every interaction into a speech drill.
If You're Frustrated, Imagine How They Feel
This is the part I need you to really hear.
If you are feeling defeated, exhausted, and frustrated that the flashcards and reward charts and constant narrating isn't moving the needle — imagine being on the other side of that.
Imagine being two years old and knowing exactly what you want but not being able to get the sounds out. Imagine the person you love most in the world holding your favorite snack just out of reach, waiting for you to "use your words." Imagine trying — really trying — and watching the disappointment on their face when the word doesn't come.
Children with speech delays are more likely to experience frustration, tantrums, and behavioral challenges — not because they're "difficult," but because they are living in a world that isn't meeting them where they are (Johns Hopkins Medicine; Lu et al., 2022).
Your frustration is valid. But so is theirs. And they don't have the tools to process it the way you do.
Connection First, Correction Never
So what do you actually do?
You play. You connect. You enjoy your child.
I know that sounds too simple. I know it sounds like I'm telling you to do nothing. But I'm telling you to do everything that matters.
Fun and Play Are Not a Waste of Time
When you sit on the floor and follow your child's lead in play — no agenda, no flash cards, no "teachable moments" — you are doing some of the most powerful language-building work there is.
Research consistently shows that children's word learning is enhanced when caregivers follow the child's attentional focus and comment on what the child is already interested in (Farrar, 1986; Tomasello & Farrar, 1986). In other words, narrating their world — not directing it — is what sparks language growth.
So instead of holding up a ball and saying, "Say ball!" — try sitting next to your child, rolling the ball back and forth, and simply saying, "Ball! Roll, roll, roll. Wheee!" No expectations.
No tests. Just shared joy.
These short years of childhood pass quickly. Your child doesn't need a speech coach for a parent. They need you. The laughing, playing, present version of you.
When Connection Isn't Enough — And That's OK
Here's where I want to be honest with you — because you deserve honesty, not just reassurance.
If you're doing all the connecting, playing, reading, singing, and following their lead... and your child is still behind on communication milestones?
That's important information, not a parenting failure.
Some children need more than a communication-rich home environment. Some children need professional support from someone trained to gently untangle the specific barriers in their communication development.
And that's not a reflection of you. That's just the reality of how complex speech and language development is.
What to Watch For
Consider reaching out to a professional if your child:
Isn't babbling or using varied sounds by 12 months
Has no single words by 16–18 months
Isn't combining two words by age 2 (like "more milk" or "daddy go")
Seems to understand very little of what you say
Is becoming increasingly frustrated, withdrawn, or aggressive
Has stopped making progress or seems to have lost words they once used
These aren't reasons to panic. But they are reasons to get curious — and to bring in someone who can look at the whole picture.
Why a Speech-Language Pathologist Changes Everything
Here's what a certified Speech-Language Pathologist does that Google and Instagram advice cannot:
They see YOUR child. Not a generalized milestone chart. Not a one-size-fits-all tip list. They assess where your individual child is, what's supporting them, and what might be getting in the way — and then they create a path forward that is specific to your family.
What an SLP Actually Does (It's Not What You Think)
A good pediatric SLP isn't going to sit your toddler at a table with flashcards. They're going to get on the floor, follow your child's lead, and use play-based techniques that are grounded in decades of evidence. They'll coach you on small, natural shifts that fit into your daily life — not add a second job to your plate.
They'll help your child feel successful in communication, which builds confidence, which builds more communication. It's a completely different cycle than the pressure-frustration loop so many families are stuck in.
And the best part? Once a professional is guiding your child's speech and language development, you get to go back to just being their parent. The snuggling, laughing, playing, enjoying kind of parent.
And here's a tip that can change everything: if your child qualifies for services, ask the speech pathologist how you can be both fun AND helpful for your child's communication growth. That's it. That's the question. Because the right SLP won't hand you a homework sheet — they'll show you how the playing and connecting you're already doing can gently support your child's progress. You don't have to choose between being their parent and helping them grow. A good SLP shows you how to be both.
You know — the one you wanted to be before all the worry started.
Parenting Is Hard Enough — You Don't Need Another Job
Let me leave you with this.
Parenting is already the hardest thing most of us will ever do. The sleep deprivation, the constant decision-making, the guilt that follows you like a shadow — it's relentless.
So if the speech exercises and reward systems and constant verbal prompting aren't working? Stop.
Not because you're giving up. Because you're choosing something better.
Choose connection over correction. Choose play over pressure. Choose to see your child as a whole person who is doing their best in a world that isn't always designed for them.
And if they need more support? Choose to bring in a professional who can carry that weight — so you don't have to.
Your child doesn't need a perfect parent. They need a present one.
References
Kruythoff-Broekman, A., Wiefferink, C., Rieffe, C., & Uilenburg, N. (2019). Parent-implemented early language intervention programme for late talkers: Parental communicative behaviour change. Journal of Communication Disorders, 80, 1–15.
Farrar, M. J. (1986). Negative evidence and grammatical morpheme acquisition. Developmental Psychology, 22(3), 438–444.
Tomasello, M., & Farrar, M. J. (1986). Joint attention and early language. Child Development, 57(6), 1454–1463.
Lu, H. H., Tsai, J. D., & Tsao, F. M. (2022). Temporal stability of parent-reported behavior problems in late talkers over 2 years. Journal of Neurodevelopmental Disorders, 14, 38.
American Speech-Language-Hearing Association (ASHA). Late Language Emergence. Practice Portal. https://www.asha.org/practice-portal/clinical-topics/late-language-emergence/
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