Breaking the Cycle: Understanding the ACEs Quiz and How It Can Help You Parent with More Compassion and Clarity

You may have heard about the Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) Quiz—maybe from your pediatrician, therapist, or a mental health advocate on social media. But what is it, really? And how could it possibly help you as a parent?

The ACEs Quiz, available at acesaware.org, is a simple tool that helps you reflect on difficult or stressful experiences you may have had during your childhood. These include things like emotional or physical neglect, household substance use, mental illness in the home, or losing a parent due to separation or divorce. While the quiz itself is short and straightforward, the insight it can bring is anything but small.

A child touching their parent's arm, who has a tattoo honoring their parents. Intergenerational love.

Breaking the Cycle: Understanding the ACEs Quiz and How It Can Help You Parent with More Compassion and Clarity

Why Take the ACEs Quiz as a Parent?

We often focus so much on our child’s development, health, and emotional well-being that we forget how deeply our own experiences shape the way we show up in parenting. Taking the ACEs quiz isn’t about assigning blame or diagnosing trauma. It’s about better understanding yourself—your nervous system, your reactions, and the emotional patterns you might have inherited or internalized from childhood.

When you understand what shaped you, you can begin to notice how those experiences influence your parenting. For example:

• Do you find yourself getting overwhelmed easily when your child cries?

• Are you overly anxious about keeping everything perfect at home?

• Do you struggle with closeness, or alternatively, feel emotionally flooded?

These responses don’t make you a “bad parent.” They make you a human who may be navigating old wounds in the midst of raising a child. That awareness can be the beginning of deep healing—not just for you, but for your whole family.

Your Childhood Was Not Your Fault

This is one of the most powerful messages we can offer: What you experienced in your childhood was not your fault. You didn’t create the environment you grew up in. Most of us were raised by caregivers who were doing the best they could with what they had—and often, they were unknowingly repeating the same patterns passed down to them.

This is what’s known as intergenerational trauma. But the good news is that healing can also be passed down. When you become aware of the patterns you'd like to change, you are stepping into the brave and often difficult role of a cycle breaker. And that work? It matters.

Seeking Support Is a Strength

Understanding your ACEs score isn’t about feeling defeated or doomed. It’s about learning how to move forward with compassion—for yourself and your children.

If you recognize parts of yourself in this conversation and feel ready to break some of the patterns that no longer serve you, know this: You are not alone. Many parents are waking up to the reality of their own stories and choosing to parent differently.

Whether it’s through emotionally safe friendships, a supportive online community, or professional help like therapy or coaching, you deserve support. You deserve spaces where you can feel seen, heard, and held without judgment. Professionals trained in trauma-informed care can be especially helpful in offering tools, perspective, and healing strategies tailored to your needs.

You’re Already Doing the Work

Even reading this post, even wondering about your ACEs score, is an act of self-awareness and courage. Parenting with intention, reflection, and a desire to do better is not easy—but it’s incredibly powerful.

To learn more about ACEs, trauma, and healing, check out acesaware.org, or explore another helpful resource: Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) & Childhood Trauma.

You are not broken. You are not too late. And you are not alone.You are a parent in the process of healing—and that, in itself, is a gift to your child.

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We believe parents should feel empowered, not overwhelmed. If you’ve got questions or want to learn more:

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And remember, early support isn’t just intervention—it’s prevention, empowerment, and connection. And it’s never too early to be curious, ask questions, and seek guidance. We’re here for you, every step of the way. 🍼👣✨

With heart,

The NewDay Child Coaching Team

Rachel Lynn: Communication and Swallowing/Feeding Guide

Amber Michelle: Physical Development Guide

Amanda Rae: Fine Motor, Sensorimotor, Sensory/Feeding Guide

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