Does Everything Have to Be a Struggle with My Toddler?

If you feel like every moment with your toddler is a battle, you’re not alone. This stage of development is all about discovering autonomy, testing limits, and figuring out where they stand in the world. But does that mean every single thing has to be a struggle? Not necessarily! With a little investigation and a shift in approach, you can create a smoother, more cooperative daily routine.

Toddler declining to participate.

Put on Your Inspector Hat

Before assuming your toddler is just being difficult, take a step back and assess:

• How much control does your child actually have in their day?

• Are you making every single decision for them?

• Are there areas where you can be more flexible?

Toddlers, like all of us, crave a sense of control. If they feel like they have no say in their lives, they will push back harder. By offering choices within limits, you give them a sense of autonomy while still guiding them in the right direction. The more flexibility you demonstrate, the more they learn to be flexible as well. If you tend to be rigid and controlling in every aspect, your child may mirror that behavior—leading to more power struggles.

Real-Life Strategies for a Smoother Day

One of the simplest yet most effective ways to reduce resistance is to offer choices. Instead of giving open-ended questions that invite refusals, provide two firm options:

• “Do you want the blue cup or the red cup?”

• “Would you like to put on your shoes first or your jacket first?”

• “Do you want to sit on the left side of the table or the right side?”

By giving them choices, you acknowledge their need for independence while keeping the overall structure intact. If they say “no” to both, your go-to response can be, “Okay, then it’s mom’s/dad’s choice.” This allows them to feel like they had the opportunity to choose, but ensures that the task still gets done.

Define Your Non-Negotiables

While choices work in many situations, there are certain things that are simply non-negotiable. These are the daily essentials that must happen, even if your child resists:

• Diaper changes or using the potty

• Brushing teeth

• Bathing

• Sitting down to eat meals

• Holding hands in a parking lot

Your child may push back on these, but staying firm is key. If you start to waiver on these must-dos, your child will quickly learn that refusals can get them out of things. Just as in the real world, some things aren’t up for debate. You can’t run a red light just because you don’t feel like stopping! Teaching your child that certain tasks are non-negotiable helps them develop emotional maturity and responsibility over time.

The Bottom Line

Toddlerhood is a time of big emotions, growing independence, and lots of testing boundaries. But by balancing flexibility with firm expectations, you can help guide your child through this stage while maintaining your own sanity. Offer choices where you can, stay consistent with non-negotiables, and remember—your child is learning how to navigate the world based on how you respond to them. So, the more calm and flexible you can be, the more they will learn to be as well!

Share Your Experience!

We know every child is different, and every family has their own challenges and successes. What works for you? Do you have a go-to strategy for handling toddler struggles? Share your thoughts, comments, and experiences below—we’d love to hear from you!

Feeling Overwhelmed? You’re Not Alone

We believe parents should feel empowered, not overwhelmed. If you’ve got questions or want to learn more:

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And remember, early support isn’t just intervention—it’s prevention, empowerment, and connection. And it’s never too early to be curious, ask questions, and seek guidance. We’re here for you, every step of the way. 🍼👣✨

With heart,

The NewDay Child Coaching Team

Rachel Lynn: Communication and Swallowing/Feeding Guide

Amber Michelle: Physical Development Guide

Amanda Rae: Fine Motor, Sensorimotor, Sensory/Feeding Guide

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