"My kid won't listen!": The Strong-Willed Child: How to Help Them (and Your Family) Be Happy Again

Picture this:

Your sweet baby has grown into a curious, confident toddler—and seemingly overnight, your once-peaceful home is now filled with power struggles. Breakfast turns into a battle. Getting dressed takes 45 minutes (with tears—maybe yours too). And everything from which cup to use to whether socks (or pants) are even necessary is up for passionate debate.

You're exhausted. And confused.

You think back to your own childhood: My parents made all the decisions, and I just went along with it. So… what changed?

A boy with his arms crossed and pouting, refusing to participate.

You've likely got a strong-willed child. And while that might sound like a challenge (because let’s be honest—it is), it’s also a sign of something really important: your child is developing a sense of self. They’re realizing they have preferences, opinions, and the confidence to voice them. And guess what, strong willed children are natural born leaders!

But what can you do when every day feels like a power struggle?

Start by offering choices.

A strong-willed child often pushes back not because they’re trying to make your life hard, but because they crave a sense of control. They want to feel like they matter—and that their voice is heard.

Enter the power of the controlled choice.You're still in charge, but you're inviting your child to be part of the process.

Try things like:

• “Would you like the cup with animals or the one with flowers?”

• “Do you want to put on your top or your bottoms first?”

• “Should we brush teeth before or after we read the bedtime story?”

These are small, manageable decisions—but to your toddler, they’re huge. They create a sense of ownership, dignity, and self-confidence.

The Strong-Willed Child: A gentle word of caution:

Choices are for their body, their behavior, and their preferences. A strong-willed toddler is not the boss of everyone else. If you have another child who’s easygoing or used to giving in, it may be tempting to let your strong-willed one call all the shots. But that’s not the goal.

Remember, everyone is in control of themselves, which will lead to their increased self-confidence and feelings of accomplishment.

We’re trying to teach your child:

• Confidence to make decisions

• Respect for others’ boundaries

• That they’re in control of some things, but not everything

And when they learn that? The household gets calmer. Your toddler feels respected, which often leads to less resistance, fewer meltdowns, and more cooperation.

It's not magic—but it is powerful.

Offering choices won’t fix everything overnight. But it can absolutely shift the energy in your home. You’ll find yourself fighting less, laughing more, and feeling a little less like you're walking on eggshells.

What do you think?

Do you have a strong-willed child? Have you tried offering choices—and if so, what’s worked for you?

We’d love to hear your stories! Share your wins, your struggles, and your questions in the comments. Let’s support each other on this messy, beautiful parenting journey.

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The NewDay Child Coaching Team

Rachel Lynn: Communication and Swallowing/Feeding Guide 🩷

Amber Michelle: Physical Development Guide 💚

Amanda Rae: Fine Motor, Sensorimotor, Sensory/Feeding Guide 💛

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