Use Your Child's Behaviors as Clues: What the Amygdala is Trying to Tell You (and Your Child)

Behaviors as Clues

It’s time to don your investigator’s hat! 🕵️‍♂️🕵️‍♀️ When your child melts down over the “wrong” cup, or you snap at your partner after a long day—what’s really going on?

Here’s a clue: these moments aren’t just about cups or conversations. They’re your nervous system’s way of saying “I’m not okay right now.” And the detective we need to consult is nestled deep in the brain: the amygdala.

A caregiver investigating the situation.

Behaviors as Clues

🔍 The Amygdala: The Brain’s Alarm System

The amygdala is a tiny almond-shaped part of the brain responsible for detecting threats and signaling the body to react.

When the amygdala senses danger (real or perceived), it flips the switch on the body’s stress responses—activating reactions we often describe as: fight, flight, freeze, fawn, flop.

• Fight – The outward expression of anger

• Flight – The outward expression of fear

• Freeze – When we don’t know what to do

• Fawn – The expression of people-pleasing or approval-seeking to keep the peace

• Flop – A complete shutdown; no energy left to respond at all

These aren’t bad behaviors. They’re biological survival strategies. They’re signs from the nervous system saying, “Help! I’m outside my window of tolerance!”

🪟 What Is the "Window of Tolerance"?

Think of the window of tolerance as your nervous system’s comfort zone—a space where you can think clearly, manage emotions, and respond (not just react).

When we're inside our window, we feel:

• Regulated

• Present

• Capable of connection

When we fall outside that window, the amygdala takes the lead—and our behaviors shift into survival mode.

So how do we stretch this window? How do we help ourselves—and our children—stay in that sweet spot more often?

🧩 Step 1: Observe Behavior as Communication

Behavior is never random. It’s data. When your child hits, hides, or collapses on the floor, ask:

• What might their nervous system be experiencing right now?

• Are they feeling unsafe, unseen, overwhelmed?

Instead of asking, “How do I stop this?”, try asking:“What is this telling me?”

🧘 Step 2: Build Your Own Regulation Toolkit

Children borrow their emotional regulation from us. If you want to help them stay regulated, you’ve got to start with your own nervous system.

Here are a few ways to strengthen your own window of tolerance:

• Breathwork: Try long exhales or box breathing (inhale-4, hold-4, exhale-4, hold-4)

• Movement: Shake, stretch, or take a brisk walk

• Grounding techniques: Name 5 things you see, 4 you feel, 3 you hear, 2 you smell, 1 you taste

• Reframe your thoughts: Instead of “This is bad,” try “This is a clue.”

• Sing!: Sing your favorite song out loud--silly and out of tune voices are more fun!

• Dance!: Get your booty shaking and leap your body around the room

• Laugh!: Remember the last time you laughed until your belly hurt--keep that memory handy so you can visit that memory--and create new laughs in the present moment.

Practice these things daily—not just in moments of stress. Just like muscles, your nervous system gets stronger with repetition.

👶 Step 3: Model and Teach Regulation to Your Child

Here’s where it gets powerful: your child learns how to respond to stress by watching you.

Try these:

• Narrate your own regulation: “I feel my body getting tight. I’m going to take a breath to calm down.”

• Validate feelings before correcting behavior: “You’re feeling so mad your blocks fell. That makes sense.”

• Practice co-regulation: Offer hugs, calming tones, and physical closeness

• Build routines that support nervous system safety: consistent sleep, snacks, and transitions

💡 Final Clue: You Don’t Have to Be Perfect

Your amygdala will still hijack your reactions sometimes. You’ll still yell. Your child will still meltdown. But every time you repair and reflect, you’re helping stretch that window.

You’re solving the mystery of “why did I (or my child) just do that?” one clue at a time.

So next time you see a big behavior, grab your metaphorical magnifying glass. Ask, “What is the amygdala trying to protect us from?” And remember: behind every reaction is a brain trying its best to feel safe again.

Let’s keep building those bridges back to calm—together.

What do you think of this post: Behaviors as Clues: What the Amygdala is Trying to Tell You (and Your Child)? Let us know in the comments!

Feeling Overwhelmed? Needing Support? You’re Not Alone

We believe parents should feel empowered, not overwhelmed. If you’ve got questions or want to learn more:

• Leave a comment—we’d love to hear from you!

• Join our Facebook Subscribers Group for just $0.99/month to access expert Q&As and exclusive content

• Follow us on Instagram for helpful tips and real-life examples

• Check out our YouTube channel for bite-sized videos packed with practical strategies and longer tutorials where we provide you important information

  
  

And remember, early support isn’t just intervention—it’s prevention, empowerment, and connection. And it’s never too early to be curious, ask questions, and seek guidance. We’re here for you, every step of the way. 🍼👣✨

With heart,

The NewDay Child Coaching Team

Rachel Lynn: Communication and Swallowing/Feeding Guide 🩷

Amber Michelle: Physical Development Guide 💚

Amanda Rae: Fine Motor, Sensorimotor, Sensory/Feeding Guide 💛

"Interweaving Disciplines and Knowledge for the Benefit of All™"

 “Learn From Us and With Us™️”