Positive Parenting Tip: What to Say Instead of “No” to Your Toddler
- NewDayChildCoaching
- 4 days ago
- 3 min read
Why “No” Doesn’t Always Work
Positive Parenting Tip
If you’ve ever told your toddler “Don’t touch that” only to watch them… touch it again? Rest assured, you’re not alone. For many young children, especially under age 3, auditory memory is short. They often remember the last few words you say. So “don’t touch that” can actually sound like “touch that” in their mind. The result? Confused looks, repeated touching, and frustration for everyone.
The Hidden Problem With ‘No’ and ‘Don’t’
Positive Parenting Tip
While “no” is an important safety word, frequent use can lose its power. Some toddlers even become sensitive or upset when they hear it, making cooperation harder. Think about it...if every other request you heard was a “stop” or “don’t,” you might tune out too.
Our pediatric experts (PT, OT, SLP) recommend saving “no” for true emergencies—like when safety is at stake—and replacing it with what your child can do instead.
What to Say Instead of “No”
Positive Parenting Tip
Here are examples you can start using today:
Instead of “Don’t touch that” → “Hands down” or “Let’s put our hands in our pockets.”
Instead of “Don’t run” → “Let’s walk with slow feet.”
Instead of “Don’t yell” → “Let’s use our quiet voices inside.”
By telling your child what to do instead of only what not to do, you give them a clear action to follow, and remove the guesswork.
A Tender-Hearted Example
Some toddlers have especially sensitive hearts. Picture this: you’re in a store, your child is laughing loudly, and you say something like, "don't yell, be quiet." Their face falls...they were just having fun. A more connection-focused approach might be:
Start with connection: “Sweetie, I love you.”
Explain the expectation: “We’re in a store, it’s a quiet place.”
Offer the replacement behavior: “Let’s use our quiet voices.”
If that doesn’t work, drop your own voice to a whisper. Your toddler will likely quiet down just to hear what you’re saying, and you’ve turned discipline into a playful learning moment.
Why This Works: The Developmental Science
Auditory Memory: Young children process shorter phrases faster. Typically, the last words heard are the ones remembered.
Emotional Regulation: Positive phrasing reduces defensiveness and meltdowns.
Modeling Skills: You’re modeling problem-solving in real time, valuable for lifelong communication.
Final Thoughts
Your toddler isn’t being “naughty” when they don’t follow a “don’t.” They’re following their brain’s current ability to process language. By giving them clear, positive actions, you’re helping them succeed--while keeping “no” powerful for the moments it’s truly needed.
Have you tried these strategies? Did they work for your child? Share your experiences with us--we’d love to hear from you.
Do you have any thoughts about Positive Parenting Tip: What to Say Instead of “No” to Your Toddler?
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The NewDay Child Coaching Team
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